Christmas for some, "is the most wonderful time of the year." Others equate Christmas as a time to spend with family and friends. Some celebrate the holiday in traditional ways, i.e. opening gifts, preparing and enjoying a large meal followed by movie viewing or game playing.

Others prefer to totally relax during the holiday, avoiding the stress of holiday shopping and gift giving like an unwelcome illness by booking trips to tropical climes to escape the commercialism that Christmas has become.

Christmas, for me, has become a time to endure. A day, I honestly, dread because I don't know how to celebrate the holiday anymore. Things are different now and I can't seem to recognize the holiday in a way I feel comfortable with. In a way that will leave me feeling warm inside, instead of empty and depressed.

Last year I tried to celebrate in a more traditional way with family, gifts and a large dinner. Instead of feeling happy and content the holiday ended in frustration and sadness.

This year, I am trying to approach the holiday through service.

As an alternative to laying around on Christmas day, which always bores the hell out of me, Dad and I are scheduled to play Bingo tomorrow at the Kenwood nursing home. We'll see how that goes.

In the days leading up to Christmas, Dad and I have occupied our time with errands and housework. One thing we accomplished was applying a veneer to my bedroom doors. Now all I need is an antique handle and a sturdy lock.

I have to admit when Dad described the doors to me, prior to my seeing them, I was a little nervous. But as you can see the doors are perfect. I absolutely love them! My Dad has excellent taste when it comes to certain things like women, jewelry and, as it turns out, doors.

Each time I come home, the house looks different, a living organism that continues to evolve in new and exciting ways. I am grateful to have a space of my own to help create and decorate. A room I hope will house many happy memories in future days.

I also hope 2010 will be the year I rescue my belongings from storage and find a place to "put down roots." No matter where that will be, or how I decide to celebrate future holidays, it's nice to know I have a place where I can always come home for Christmas.