I couldn't let this day pass without wishing you a Happy Mother's Day. I have dreaded this day since you passed but no matter how much I would like to reverse time or stop it entirely it arrived nonetheless.
I spent most of the morning in bed, only getting out of bed to bathe and prepare lunch. After my company left I went back to bed and slept until dinner. It has been raining all day, but the absent sunshine made sleep easier.
I ate dinner with the Marchants. Jenny, Emma and Xander leave for Vietnam this week and Marlow and Christy were in town visiting them. Kristy offered lots of hugs and encouragement. It was a great way to pass the evening. Emma and Xander were all hugs and kisses; two things I desperately needed.
I returned to an empty apartment and desires to call you; to talk to you about anything and everything. For the opportunity to tell you I love you and hear you say it in return. Hell, right now I would settle for a feeling. If I could just feel your love that would be something but I can't feel anything. Nothing. I miss you more than you will ever know. I think about you all the time. I know you often thought you had failed as a mother; you often said Josh and I deserved a better Mom but you never understood that we didn't want any other Mother. What made you special is that you were OUR mother. God sent us to YOU. Did you drive us crazy? Yes. But we would rather have you here driving us crazy than what we have now.
You probably recognize the picture above. Josh and I bought you the card and print at the Liahona and gave it to you for Mother's Day years ago. The mother in the print reminded us of you. The print is titled Eternal Mother and that is exactly what you are now; eternal. Your spirit will live forever, one of the few consolations I have during our time of separation. Wherever you are I hope you were/are recognized for being a wonderful mother to two children who call your name blessed. What higher esteem can a woman aspire to than that?
Thank you for all the wonderful memories, for the love, hope, encouragement and strength you gave us. We love you and miss you terribly, especially on this day for mothers.
Love you forever-
Sissy