Over virgin strawberry daiquiris Amanda invited me to attend her family's cookout in St. Rose, Louisiana in celebration of the Fourth. At first I wasn't sure if I should accept or reject her generous invitation. I worked Friday, one of two souls in the entire office, and I am still trying to catch-up on much needed sleep.

My sleep deprivation began three-weeks ago with Scrapin' the Coast and has continued for various reasons since. Allow me to explain Scrapin' the Coast.

The Gulf Coast is often referred to as "The Redneck Riveria," and Scrapin' the Coast is one of the many reasons behind the name. Imagine, if you can, because believe me it's not pleasant, thousands of young men descending on one strip of highway, parking cars along the street, playing loud music, bass booming, lyrics unintelligible...Next imagine other men dragging the highway, stopping at traffic lights to squeal their tires so spectators, resembling contemporary cavemen, can hollar and blare fog horns.

Now imagine young women, who should find this behaviour repulsive, dressed scantily, swingin' around stripper poles, said cavemen have mounted in their truck beds. Sound like fun to you?

Now imagine, sweet Amber lying in her princess bed trying to sleep. What kind of thoughts do you think were running through sweet Amber's head? If you were thinking unkind, naughty thoughts involving rocket launchers and bull horns you would be correct.

This event had such an impression on me, I currently equate it with sleep deprivation, which is surprisingly a popular topic of conversation.

Imagine my surprise when Amanda's family members bragged about her cousin Adam's fortune of placing 1st at Scrapin' the Coast. Imagine the difficulty Amber experienced trying to express her congratulations to Adam who also owns a truck with E.T. painted on the hood and the truck bed.

Imagine how difficult it was for Amber to suppress her laughter and colorful commentary regarding "Grandpaw's Heartbeat E.T. II" displayed on the tail-gate of the truck.

If there's an E.T. II that implies there's an E.T. I, right? How can this be? How is it possible there are two E.T. trucks on this planet? Maybe the other exists on a planet far outside earth's orbit? I don't know.

If this is "Grandpaw's Heartbeat" does that mean E.T. I is "Grandmaw's?" Adam is not the original owner of E.T. II. Did the previous owner relinquish their ownership because something happened to Grandpaw? I don't know if these questions will ever be answered.

After "admiring" the truck's impressive paint job, the only thing I could manage to offer in all seriousness was, "if only it could fly."