Tis Better to Know or Not to Know...

is a question I have been pondering this week. I often hear people say, "if only I knew when or where or how much longer I have to wait for a certain something," the waiting would be easier. Uncertainty has never been something I courted but nevertheless is a companion I have been promised will accompany me throughout life. Uncertainty can be exciting, yielding pleasant surprises that leave us with warm memories we cherish for a lifetime. More often than not, uncertainty bears unwelcome incidents that leave us wounded and afraid.

In March of 2007, Desiree and I traveled to Atlanta to crash her friend's wedding. The six hour drive to Atlanta was the perfect opportunity to catch-up. During our conversation Desi mentioned her roommate's mother had given her a love reading. I thought it was exciting and asked Des if her roommate's mother would be willing to give me one as well. Desiree called her roommate who subsequently connected me to her mother.

This woman had never met me. She had not seen a photo of me either. She had no idea how tall I was or how old I was yet she proceeded to give me a love reading that I have often thought about since.

She said I would meet the man I was going to marry within the next two years. We would meet at an event where we would be dressed-up; she explained she saw a hayride or a costume party. We concluded from this it may be around Halloween. She said he would be medium height around 5'10" but would not exceed 6'. He would have dark blonde or light curly brown hair. He would have a L in his name or as an initial. I would have dated his cousin or roommate or close friend. Once we meet we will have a long courtship that will result in marriage.

I remember thinking, "right." It may happen for Desiree but things like this rarely work out for me. Nevertheless, the thought of meeting someone on Halloween was exciting and I have been anticipating the holiday with more enthusiasm than I normally would.

Last Halloween I was with Corey. Needless to say I did not meet anyone nor did I care to. When I met Corey who had a L initial and was of average height I thought, despite the hair, he could be pretty close to "the one." He was brillant, kind, funny, and successful. We could hang out for hours doing absolutely nothing and still have a good time. However as time progressed, it was clear Corey was not "the one" and it was time to move on. I care for and miss him dearly. I wonder how he is and hope he is happy; even if it means he is with someone else.

This Halloween I am absolutely single. I haven't been on a date, let alone been in a relationship, for five months and I'm surprisingly OK with that. Since my Mother passed away I haven't been the same. I have so much to work through emotionally and spiritually that I'm not really ready for something serious. I would appreciate a good guy friend I can hang out with but to be completely "real" if "Mr. Right" appeared this Halloween I wouldn't complain.

But if he does... is it better that I anticipated meeting him before or is it better not to know? To be completely caught of guard. If I really do meet someone this Halloween am I ready? Am I willing to forfeit my life as a single woman? I don't know. And it's true... when you know something I think it compromises the magic that not knowing brings.

Tonight I am going to a masquerade with Amanda. Last month I decided I was going to celebrate this holiday come what may. If I meet someone, Great! If not, nothing lost. I rented a costume from Josette's, I got a pedicure this morning from TNT Nails and my hair done at Her Majesty's by a lady that's been doing hair for fifty years. I feel good and I think I look pretty good but do I really want to meet a man when I look better than usual? Wouldn't it be better to meet a man when I look horrible? Questions I believe every female has entertained at least once in her life. We all want to meet "the one" in some unique, clever way. We all want a story we can boast and impress friends and family with for years to come. We all want to feel that spark and to immediately know our waiting is over but how often does that really happen?

And although things like this never happen to me would it be so bad if it did? For once? If it really was my turn? If something beautiful resulted from this horribly painful year? If I could end this year with someone I loved and begin the new year with him too or will I appreciate the circumstance more if I meet him after I have abandoned all hope? Bringing me back to my initial question...tis better to know or not to know? What do you think?

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Stephanie said...

I'd rather take it as it comes--not know is what I'm all about. Long live Eris.

You know I'm pulling for you. And with hair like that, some guy is going to get caught in it tonight!!

I love you, Boo. I think the best M.O. is to just let it happen, however it happens.

The Keeffers said...

I have to agree with my wise sister.I think it is better not to know. What ever happens, happens for a reason and you should just roll with the punches (easier said, i know).

As for the great story, just remember that for the next however many years Ben and I get to tell everyone how we met working at Arbys. 80) Also how he was going to propose to me on temple grounds but I was to cranky and cold. So he asked me while we were eating Quiznos in his car sitting in a parking lot of park.

Not everyones version of storybook but it is ours. Whatever and however you meet your Man will turn into your very own unique story book romance.

kate said...

Not to know. What fun would knowing be?

lisapants said...

I agree, better not to know. Then you're not obsessing over it and it's a pleasant surprise when it happens.

What was your costume, and did any sparks fly for you this Halloween?

Desiree said...

I agree with everyone that it's better not to know. And even if it doesn't happen by March 09', Marie could've been wrong and not all hope should be based on her "love reading" even though it was great fun at the time. That was SUCH a fun trip! We need to take another one sometime. I love our random trips.

Anyways. Best not to know, and any story will be a great story.

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