I am not sure if you saw this movie before you left us but I think you would have enjoyed it. It's about a child music prodigy who was abandoned at birth unknowingly by his mother (Kerri Russell). Some of the music, not all, is beautiful. I think you would have enjoyed that too.

The day before I left Kentucky, Joshie, Lauren and I were sorting through your things and found a few of your old report cards from elementary school. I was not surprised to find you did well in english. You were always a voracious reader and encouraged Joshie and I to follow your example.

You did not do well in math, in that regard I am a lot like you as well, but your near perfect grades in music surprised Joshua and I, although really, it shouldn't have.



You filled our lives with music. We always played music in the car; music always filled our home. When Joshie decided to abandon sports for music you never discouraged him. Whenever I visit Josh and Lauren music is always playing the background. I often listen to music in the evening and especially in my car or while cleaning. I couldn't imagine my life without it.

You enjoyed the best music too. Classic rock, classical, pop rock, disco, folk, country, or bluegrass, you tried to expose us to good music. Music that was cool and happy and fun. Steve Miller, Lynard Skynard, Jefferson Airplane, Bread, Anne Murray, Juice Newton, Dan Seals, Bob Seager, Blondie, Abba, Bee Gees, Carol King, you name it. These names were as familiar to us as those of family members. Thank you for teaching us to appreciate good music.


Music is a powerful entity. It can invoke powerful emotions like hate, envy, revenge, or empathy, gratitude, reverence and love. The couple in the movie were united by their love of music and I understand that. I think its very important for lovers to be more compatible than not and share at least one thing they are both passionate about. I don't think I have met anyone like that. Perhaps when I do he will be "the one." Most men I meet don't even know what historic preservation is, let alone take an interest in it.

One of the aspects I appreciated most about Louis and Lyla's relationship was their reverence for one another. You can feel it in the way he takes her hand. In the way they kiss for the first time. His actions and reactions to Lyla are not rushed or fueled by uncontrollable passion. Rather his actions seem totally motivated by a sense of wonder and awe. I have never had a man take my hand the way Louis takes Lyla's but I want that. I want to experience that at least once before I die. I want a man to communicate with me without speaking. I want to look at a man and know what he's thinking or feeling without him having to say a word.

Is that what it is like where you are? I have been reading a lot about NDEs and that is what most of the accounts say. People communicate with their minds or through feelings. What would that be like? Perhaps its similar to the way the Holy Ghost communicates to us? Through impressions and feelings. I have such a difficult time listening and more often than not I misinterpret his direction...Is that how you will communicate with me now? By invoking memories or planting thoughts in my mind?

Many people I have spoken to say their loved ones have visited them in dreams. Although it doesn't compensate for having you here with us to talk to and to hold, I really wish you would come to me. I just want to know you are OK, that you are happy and that you haven't forgotten us.

Shawna said you could never forget us because family is the most important unit in Heavenly Father's plan. I know she is right but I still want to feel you near. If others can have dreams about their loved ones, shouldn't I be able to? What is the criteria one has to meet or how long must I wait before I can have that opportunity? Months? Years? I am not sure I can wait that long. I don't want to wait that long.

I love you and miss you and I am sorry I have not written more. I have been trying to fill my evenings with close friends and loved ones. Some evenings are better than others. Sunday and Monday evening were not good. Sleep is sporadic and work is difficult at times, especially when other women in the office talk about or to their mothers.

My only comfort is the hope that one day we will never be separated ever again. Not by death not by anything. Until then, I hope wherever you are you can hear music.

Love you-
Sissy