Today I really missed your hugs. I love this photo because you and Aunt Nancy look so happy but it doesn't accurately portray how wonderful your hugs were. Hugs I will never receive ever again. I could have used a few of those hugs today. Work was busy, which was good, but I broke-down several times throughout the day, which is something I haven't done in awhile.

The tears solicited hugs from co-workers, which was nice, but they weren't anything like hugs from Mammy.
It started with an email from a co-worker and then Dad called. I don't know why I have been blessed with such a great Father. I love him so much. You couldn't have picked a better man to help you raise your children. Good job! We talked about his doctors appointment, Mary and ZuZu, and then the conversation focused on you.
Dad said he missed you and I agreed. He said, although you pestered him, he never failed to see you as the woman he fell in love with. He thought you would always be around to tease him and honestly, I did too. I would often tell Stephanie that you would out-live us all just to give us hell. I just can't believe you're gone and today the pain was just as raw as it was on January 30th. The day my life changed forever.
Everyone says I am doing the right things; writing to you, looking at your photos, talking, crying, being open about my feelings but I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore. While I blog and experience frequent emotional melt-downs, Joshie has focused his energy on writing a book. He's such a great writer I am anxious to read it. I was hoping Josh and Lauren would be able to visit for Spring Break but it looks like that's a no-go. My luck. I was really looking forward to seeing them again.
Dad is still planning to visit during the Cherry Blossom festival. It's been a long time since he's seen them and if this is my last year in Washington there is no one I would rather walk the tidal basin with than my Daddy.
I have given up on dating. My luck with men is as bad as it ever was. I have a few really good guy friends and I am fine with that, for now. Since you passed I am emotionally unavailable; not really interested in anyone or anything, you know? I think, knowing your sentiments regarding men, you would applaud my lack of interest. I'm sure it's just a phase. HA!
There's not much to tell you. I may be going away for a little while. Work may deploy me to work in MS which would be healthy for me, I think. It would give me a chance to find myself again. If that doesn't work out I may go to Montana for the summer to do field work, something you would love. It would be back-breaking but a terrific experience. The guys I've been corresponding with are really nice and seem interested in my background. I wonder if either of them are young and single. Hmm... That could make things interesting. Romantic if nothing else. Summer fling with an archaeologist while working on a dig in Montana. Maybe I should write a book. How I found myself and my lover while working on a dig in Big Sky country. HA! HA!
Either way, I will keep you updated on the progression of my exciting life.
Dad says you probably read my letters, or at least receive them in some way. Stephanie says you can see everything I do, even the things I don't really want you to see. If you saw anything that happened last weekend I don't ever want to know. OK?! That's our secret.
Either way, I hope you know how much we miss you. I hope you know how we are doing. I want you to be happy, enjoying time with your relatives, meeting and mingling with all the cool people you never met on earth, but please don't forget about us. Please. We need you too and we haven't, could never, forget about you.
I love you Mom and if you were here, if I could just have one more moment with you, I would wrap my arms around you and hold tight, breathing you in, trying with all my might to capture "you" one last time. Since that's impossible I will continue to write, confiding in you like I always did because that's what we did.