One of my favorite characters is George Emerson from the story A Room With a View. Although I realize it is impossible for any man to be as engaging, decisive and bold as George I continue to hope one day he will come at me in a field dressed in red poppies, sweep me into his manly embrace and kiss me to the point I am breathless.
One of the most intriguing aspects of George is that he is constantly questioning everything. His father refers to this behavior as the search for an answer to the "eternal why." For George, the answer lies in true love. This love he finds with Lucy Honeychurch while traveling through Italy.
When George declares his love for Lucy, her initial response is insensitive and dishonest. After insisting she does not return his feelings she orders him from her family's home, asking him never to "step foot inside the house as long as she lives there."
Why do people do this? Over the past year I have become close friends with one of my coworkers. During this time I have watched her react to the dissolution of a three year relationship. Deciding to move on she has turned to exercise and friends for solace. Although she still cares for her ex-boyfriend, each time he tells her he wants to resurrect their relationship and start anew, she tries to talk him out of loving her. Why? Why do people do that when they love the person who is trying to love them in return? Why do people hold back when it comes to love?
My own situation is not entirely different. I recently stopped dating a guy who I really cared for. One night I even confided that I loved him. I believe that he cares for me as well and yet he tries to talk himself out of it. "We come from different cultures," he says or, "I need to marry someone who is compatible with my mother." The first I can understand. The latter excuse I have serious issues with. However, these are a few arguements he uses to convince himself our love/feelings are terciary. Because I am not Indian or cannot speak Hindi, our love cannot thrive. Although we are still friends, I know that he wishes things could be more intimate. Its evident everytime I see him. He looks frustrated, miserable and confused. Why? Why does he push love away when its the miracle everyone, despite culture or religion, prays to receive?
As mentioned in my last blog, Steph and I watched "Something New" for V-Day. Kenya, a successful, beautiful black woman, is looking for the IBM (ideal black man). Instead, what she finds when she "lets go and lets flow," is the IWM (ideal white man). Deciding her happiness with Brian could never last because he doesn't understand her (meaning her culture) she decides to end it by telling Brian she has met someone new. The new someone is exactly what Kenya was searching for (the IBM) and yet, for her, love is not embodied in race or skin color. Once she realizes this, Kenya mitigates the hurt she caused Brian and is restored to happiness which culminates in wedded bliss. Yet why was Kenya so quick to dimiss her feelings? Why are people so careless with love? Especially when we search so hard to find it?
Despite my questions and my late experience, I have behaved like Kenya, only to find I was too late. Often the damage done was irrepairable or the person had moved on. Each time this happens I am filled with not only a terrible sense of guilt but nagging feelings of regret I can only combat with lame justifications. "It just wasn't meant to be," I say or, "I would have never been happy with him, anway." But is that really true? I will never know. Yet the question remains, why did I turn away love in the first place?
That is my eternal why. Where and with whom the answer lies, I have yet to find but one thing is for certain I never want to take love for granted again.